When you have children before marriage it is quite often that, as a celebrant, I am asked for suggestions of ways to incorporate them into a ceremony.
Forget the old adage that you should never work with children or animals – for a wedding this just isn’t the case. Involving children in particular, ‘your’ children, can add that special touch to a memorable day.
Drawing on my background as a celebrant, mother and primary teacher, let me detail a few simple ways to involve children at your ceremony.
1. Kids to walk down the aisle.
Tradition says that the father of the bride walks their daughter down the aisle, however rules and traditions are made to be broken and why can’t your children be the ones to walk you down the aisle and give you away?
Depending on their ages this can look very different. For those just learning to walk, walkers or trolley’s are great for supporting them, for those a little older, they can strut down the aisle solo (or partnered with someone special eg. another child, grandparent or bridesmaid)
Give children a job, be it throwing petals, scattering confetti, or blowing bubbles. A job may take some of the edge of the nerves. So too could having them carry a sign, and often there is a collective sigh through the guests when an appropriately worded note comes down the aisle.
Popular sign suggestions include “Here comes mummy” or “Last chance to run” or for the dapper young men “Don’t worry ladies, I’m still single!”. There are so many great signs that your children can carry while walking the aisle.
2. Make them part of your bridal party.
Find them a job, make them a special part of the proceedings. For the younger children the roles of flower girls or ring bearers often suit, for those slightly older perhaps being a junior bridesmaid or groomsman would be more fitting?
Like with the suggestions above, however the children are included going down the aisle, make sure they practice.. as parents we often tell our kids to pick up their things rather than throw them out, so for some throwing petals/confetti is quite unfamiliar to them! (I’ve had many a flower girl throw out the flowers only to backtrack and pick them up again!!)
3. Mention your children
If you have younger children or know that they may not be comfortable to have an active role in your wedding, it is always nice to acknowledge them with your words during the course of the ceremony.
This can be as simple as acknowledging their presence in your relationship/family, or you can go even further to share special vows not only with your partner but also the children (particularly a powerful inclusion if you are accepting a step parent role to them)
4. Share a reading
Depending on the age of your children, you could find a suitable small passage from a book or a poem that is relevant.
As a primary teacher and celebrant many great readings come to mind. In my eye, nothing beats Dr Seuss at a wedding with ‘Oh the places you will go’, but I also personally love the story/song ‘Your Personal Penguin’ by Sandra Boynton. A past couple of mine also had fun using ‘A lovely Love Story’ by Edward Monkton, changing words of the verses to represent their own lives. The results were a humorous and deeply personal, child friendly take on love and marriage.
5. Gift them a ring/necklace
After the ring exchange many parents wish to mark this special time by gifting their children something to mark the occasion (usually a ring or necklace, but any gift could work).
Alongside the gifting of a special keepsake couples may also opt to join hands as a family to make special vows and promises to each other. This can be a wonderful moment in the ceremony symbolising not only the joining of a couple but also of a family.
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At the end of they day, your children are in most cases an important part of your love story and deserve to be celebrated. Together I am sure that we can find a way to honor your children and make their involvement in your ceremony both special and memorable for all the right reasons.
[NB: With all the suggestions above, I cannot express enough the need to gain the consent of the children involved in your ceremony (where possible). Each family structure is unique, and as a result, a marriage can sometimes bring up emotions in children, particularly in the case of second marriages. Tread carefully and consider the child throughout all your planning.]
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